when it’s okay to blame a survivor of rape

  • When the survivor wore jeans that were “too tight”
  • When the survivor was in a relationship with the abuser
  • When the survivor and the abuser were both the same biological sex
  • When the survivor has had a history of promiscuity
  • When the survivor failed to lock their doors

All five of these instances are from real life cases from around the world.

All of them point to society’s mentality that,

it is possible to ask for rape.

It is possible to consent to being violated.

It is possible to push too far, to lure a sexual predator.

It is possible to be at fault.

So, let me just set one thing straight here:

It is impossible to provoke and cause rape to happen to yourself.

Not to mention, it is morally corrupt to place the heavy load of responsibility  on the shoulder’s of the survivor, and let the abuser off the hook, free from  accountability.

Legally, you cannot consent to being violated! That is a huge contradiction. Rape is violation. Rape occurs when a person does not consent, or willingly say “yes,” to having sex.

A sexual predator is a sexual predator. They are already screwed up long before you meet them. Nothing you do could cause a normal, healthy human being to violate you. That kind of thinking is not normal: it is the root of rape culture itself.

And it’s everywhere.

It’s in

our homes,

our schools,

our workplaces,

even in our religious organizations,

and tragically, at times,

in our justice systems.

As a society, we have grown so accustomed to it. I’d go so far as to say, some of us are even comfortable with it.

Because what that means, is if you just try hard enough to protect yourself, to dress modestly, to painstakingly censor the people in our lives, to conform to society’s standards and expectations, to be at the right places, at the right times, then you can prevent yourself from sexual violation!

I’m sure all of us would love to believe that it is that simple.

It just doesn’t work that way.

Sexual predators violate others because they want power and control.

So, should we set boundaries? Should we protect ourselves?


But despite our best efforts, rapists will always rape. Sexual predators will always prey on innocent lives, not because their victims are defective in some way, but because they chose to hold some of the same beliefs that society does to be true.

Now, I am not calling everyone in society who has boughten into rape culture rapists or pedophiles!

What I am saying, is victim blaming only fuels the fire. 

It takes away the responsibility of sexual predators and places the blame on the very people that the predators want it to fall on.

I can’t change a rapist.

I can’t change a family, an organization, or a government.

The one person I can change is me.

So, I choose to break the cycle of victim blaming in my family.

I choose to stand up and say something when I see victim blaming.

I choose to do what I can to be pro-active in decreasing victim blaming in my society.

Change starts with me. It starts with you.

And that change can spread.

I believe it will spread,

it will overflow to the rest of the world.

It’s never okay to blame a survivor of rape or sexual violation.

But people do, every single day.

I guess the big question is,

Are we going to sit back and let it happen?


For more information, or to get help, please go to Rainn.org. ❤




I Promise, We are Not This: A rant on gay rights

As I logged into my Facebook account this morning, I quickly noticed the trending hashtag “we are not this.” I clicked on on it, and soon learned what exactly the hashtag was meant to protest:

  • The bill passed in North Carolina does much more than just prevent transgenders from using public restrooms:
  • It overturned ordinances that fought against discrimination.
  • It will limit future legislation from being put into place in order to protect members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Worse yet, it may open the doors for further bills being pushed that encourage discrimination, not only in North Carolina, but also in other states, as well.

Here’s the thing:

You are entitled to your beliefs. You have a right to hold the views that you do. However,

I don’t care if you believe identifying as a member of the LGBTQ+ community is a sin.

I don’t care if you are absolutely disgusted by the thought of two people of the same, biological sex living together.

I don’t care if you would never personally “Become” gay.

You still do not have the right to make life miserable for those who have a different perspective than you do.

So, whether or not you believe that it’s alright to be on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, that’s okay.

What’s not okay is when you

  • Perpetuate harmful stereotypes about the LGBTQ+ Community born out of ignorance, such as the myth that many of the members pose a danger to public safety.
  • Spread rumors about a person’s orientation or identity.
  • Refuse to serve a customer because of their sexual orientation or gender identity,
  • Decline to accept an applicant for a public employment position because they are LGBTQ+.
  • Force your teenager to attend “conversion therapy” to change their orientation or identity

It is always okay to maintain and express your beliefs. What is never okay is acting out of force and condemnation, instead of grace and love.

When we throw around controversial issues so much, those we allow those who are different than us to become statistics, and fail to remember they are human, too.

You have a right to your opinions, however popular or infamous they may be. However, you do not have a right to discriminate, harass, and treat others with a spirit of ignorance or intolerance. Standing up for your beliefs is acceptable; treating others as your inferiors is completely unacceptable.

To the members of the LGBTQ+ community, including several of my best friends, I promise:

We are not this.